A Season of Craving

I understand that the title of this post is odd. It sounded odd when I said it out loud this morning too. But that's what I'm in right now, a season of craving.

I'm at school a week early because I'm on Orientation staff. A week before classes begin there is not a whole lot going on on campus, it's calm and quiet, which is weird and has left me a whole lot of time to think. This morning the group of O-staff started out the day with a devo. I love that moment when you've been studying a book of the Bible and then you go to sit down to listen to someone else lead a discussion and it happens to be on the same passage you looked at an hour or two prior; that happened today. In the midst of summer ending I've realized that I don't want to be influenced by this world (Ephesians 4:17-5:20). I've realized that I really want God to use this year for His purpose and to change me and if I become consumed by everything around me, that won't happen. I became used to being surrounded by a constant Christian support system, first the missionaries/interns in Guate and then the staff at camp. But now I'm in a different ball game.
I realized all of this this morning after the devo when we broke into small groups. We were supposed to tell the people we were with where we were at. Well, I'm craving God's un-explainable, evident works in my life.
I'm craving time to be set apart for me to be with Him and only Him.
I'm craving conversation with the people around me to be about what He has been doing.
I'm craving the feeling of purpose.
I'm craving the joy and love.

I'm craving what I had this summer.
But this craving is not a bad thing. In my last post I wrote about feelings of inferiority or being overwhelmed and not qualified--those feelings are not from God. But I think the feelings I have right now is just a conviction to fight.

I'm craving more. I want to know my King more, I want to please Him more. I want to know what He wants me to do next.

The post that I wrote when I got home from Guate had a plethora of lessons I had learned, this is one of those lessons:
"You can't just sit back on autopilot expecting a door to open, a moving sidewalk to usher you through it and God to change you without any effort on your part. You have to fight. Every day without stopping, expecting to encounter brokenness, trials, even death. You must stand firm, wearing armor that only comes from Him. But you must also rely on Him for your strength and your wisdom during the fight and work to make your character like His."


I'm craving more. I want to know my King more, I want to please Him more. But that's the thing, I have to open myself up to more, I have to fight. I'm not content with just having had a summer that brought me closer to God, I want that closeness to stay and to multiply. In order for that to happen I'm going to have to except that my surroundings have changed which poses new challenges for me to fight through.
 Before I left camp last week I told my boss that I want this year to change me and asked if he had any ideas of things I could work on. This was his answer:
"When you say you love God, challenge yourself to really mean it."
I do love my King. I always will. But what does it look like to mean that?

I'm in a season of craving. Craving to not become content but to push my faith into a place it's never been before. Craving to find the answer to that question.