Blessed with 15 years

It's hard to escape. 4 years is a long time but not long enough to get over the death of a parent. But I don't think a person is supposed to ever "get over" it. Because to me, "get over" means to become okay with something. And though I'm glad that my dad is in paradise with our Savior, I will never "get over" how much I miss having my dad to be able to talk to, to hug, to hear say "I love you".

My dad taught me some of the most important lessons in my life. He taught me to have character. He taught me about the character of God. He taught me to persevere when life takes unexpected turns down roads that I did not plan. And he taught me that when those sharp turns toward seemingly dark situations happen we need to trust.

 When the story of Jesus walking on water takes a look at Peter, people often say either he should have had more faith and trust in God while he was walking on the water or he had more faith and trust than the other disciples in the boat. I agree with both to some extent. But while I was reading this story today it reminded me that we need to trust God in both situations, when we're walking on water with Him and when we're sinking. Both when I'm on cloud 9 and enjoying life and when I'm overcome by sadness.

When I went to Texas I shared multiple times the story of the week my dad died. There were a lot of occurrences added to my fathers passing that made the week almost unbearable. Sharing that story gives me mixed emotions, it makes me grateful of how far I've come out of the suckiness that overtook that week but it also brings back some of the saddness of that week. When Matt Redman wrote the words "you give and take away" in the song Blessed be Your Name he hit the nail right on the head. God gave me a little sister that week but He also took my dad. 

I love seeing Emma grow up and I love knowing that though sometimes I say "I lost my dad when I was 15" he's not lost whatsoever. I'm so glad that God blessed me with 15 years with a dad who loved me and taught me more than he realized. 
I don't really know how to end this post, I've just really been missing my dad lately and wish more than anything that he were here to help me prepare for my trip to Guatemala. I heard somewhere recently that some crazy percentage of kids (I don't remember the actual number) said they would give up their relationship with their father in order to watch tv more often. That is so sad, I can't express how much I ache for just one more hug from my father but these kids have theirs and would give that up for the television! Something is dreadfully wrong with that. I guess we all need to be more grateful for the family members that we do have and teach ourselves not to take them for granted.

God and His word > me and my kleenex box

Coming home to Northwestern after being in Texas was kind of frightening. Throughout the week at Calvary Commission my mind kept bringing me back to conversations I'd had with campers last summer about how Satan would try to remove from them the changes they had decided to make, that the new mindset they found while being at camp would be attacked and going back to their previous way of living would be easy. I've been put in the place of my campers. While I was in Texas I developed a different mindset, a different way I want to live, new views and I knew that the instant I left that place forgetting it all would be so easy because that's what the devil aims to do, he aims to destroy.

We left Texas last Sunday and before we piled in the vans and began our 20 hour drive home we attended church with our new friends. The sermon was given by a woman named Tina whom we had been hearing about the entire week. People were praying for her, giving updates about her but I had no idea why or what was going on. Part of Tina's heart and stopped working the week previous to our arrival and the doctors had planned surgery to try to correct the problem. A situation arose that caused the doctors to push the surgery back about 3 hours and in the words of Tina "3 hours is all God needed". When the nurse came back to see how everything was going before the surgery was going to begin they discovered that Tina's heart was beating normally; God preformed a miracle. 

When she got up in front of the church she spoke about fighting against the devil. About how this is a war, not a game.
She said we need to learn how to fight the war now, for worse days are coming when "false Christs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and miracles to deceive even the elect" (Matthew 24:24).
She said we need to fight the war in Jesus' name. We need to stand, to declare, to verbally take authority.
We need to remind the enemy who he is and who our God is. We need to fight unashamed. We do not need to be afraid.

I left the church service full of confidence that I would not lose sight of my new way of living when I returned to Northwestern. When I got back to school I wrote down things that I need to focus on and taped them above my bed so I could see them when I wake up every morning. I took an accountability sheet from some of the sisters at Calvary Commission and began implementing it into my week. I continuously reminded myself that my thoughts were God's and Satan had no right to interfere with them. I was going strong for about 3 days. Then I got sick.

After living for 20 years I've come to find that I'm the biggest wimp around. I didn't realize it at the time but now, looking back on the last few days my mind wasn't taken over the way I thought it would or the way I fought so hard to prevent. When I got sick my thoughts went from God and His word to me and my kleenex box. Every thought running through my mind and even worse almost every word coming out of my mouth was about me and about how much I hate being sick. I stopped thinking about the reminders taped to my ceiling, I strayed away from my regular quiet time and even my prayer time because I felt sorry for myself.

Lesson for the week: expect the unexpected
And even when the unexpected comes, keep fighting and keep driving toward God, knowing Him more and seeing Him in everything. My mind switched directions when I wasn't looking and I stopped pursuing the new things I was going to implement into my everyday life. Time to get back on track and keep fighting the war.

"For the struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefor put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground"

~Ephesians 6:12&13

There is Hope

If you haven't heard from facebook or recent posts, I spent the last week in Lindale, Texas. If you don't remember from recent posts I really did not want to go, I didn't think God would reveal Himself to me in the week and I didn't think a difference would be made in my life or the lives of the people I encountered. I was as wrong as wrong can be. Now that I'm back I'm struggling to find the correct words to express to people what I experienced while I was there.

However; I've come to find that the above picture sums it up pretty well. While we were there we worked with and lived with the people of Calvary Commission; they have a school and have many missions outreaches. The phrase "There is Hope!" is seen in numerous places around their campus and ranch. All of the students at Calvary Commission except 3 have been to prison, some of the staff have also served time in prison. But you would never know that when you meet them. I don't think I have ever fallen in love with a group of people so fast in my life. Their faith and passion for Jesus Christ is amazing and inspiring. I'm sure the question "is it possible to look up to ex-convicts?" has never crossed many of your minds but when I got to Lindale it crossed mine, and let me tell you, the answer is most definitely YES. 

The first night we were there we went with them to their homeless ministry.

The second night we held a service for 450 male inmates at a prison in the area.

The third night we helped with a ministry to children 4 years old through high school

The fourth day we picked up trash on the highway they adopted

That is only a small list of examples of things that we did but what we did isn't what is important. What is important is how God moved through our team as well as the people of Calvary Commission. Through the prison service and hearing the testimonies of people at Calvary Commission 'redemption' was redefined for me. Before going into the prison we were approached by a man who worked there. He drove fear into me as he told us about some of the things people we would see had done to be in the prison and stressed watching our surroundings the entire time. By the time we got to the prison's chapel I was nearly in tears because I was so frightened. But when we walked through the doors there was a group of inmates who had created a worship band. I wish I could tell you how amazing they sounded but you'll hear them when we get to Heaven; it was incredible. When I saw their faces as well as the faces of the other 450ish men who came to the service the fear inside me instantly evaporated. Long story short--we worshiped our Savior, read scripture and about 6 of us gave testimonies. The entire time we were talking they were shouting "PRAISE GOD!" and "AMEN!" and about every two minutes the entire room would erupt with applause. At the end of our service we had an alter call; the Chaplin told us that he expected maybe 7 men to stand up to receive and surrender to Christ. When the time came for them to stand up to be prayed for about 80 men stood up. It was a scramble for the men of our team to be able to go out and pray for them all as the ladies stayed in the front and joined hands in prayer for our brothers and the new believers.

The people I met were fanatics for Christ. Their passion exceeded what I knew was possible. They had come from such a dark past, from a pit that seemed never-ending that wouldn't let them go. But Christ pierced their hearts and radically changed and saved their lives. They love Christ with everything that they are-inside and out. In every conversation they have Christ is in it somewhere, they pray with a passion that I've rarely encountered. Their love, thanks and praise to our Savior is so visible. God is so visible.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full"

~John 10:10~

A week can change a life and strengthen faith.

Even in the lowest, darkest, and scariest situations in this life

THERE IS HOPE