Blessed with 15 years

It's hard to escape. 4 years is a long time but not long enough to get over the death of a parent. But I don't think a person is supposed to ever "get over" it. Because to me, "get over" means to become okay with something. And though I'm glad that my dad is in paradise with our Savior, I will never "get over" how much I miss having my dad to be able to talk to, to hug, to hear say "I love you".

My dad taught me some of the most important lessons in my life. He taught me to have character. He taught me about the character of God. He taught me to persevere when life takes unexpected turns down roads that I did not plan. And he taught me that when those sharp turns toward seemingly dark situations happen we need to trust.

 When the story of Jesus walking on water takes a look at Peter, people often say either he should have had more faith and trust in God while he was walking on the water or he had more faith and trust than the other disciples in the boat. I agree with both to some extent. But while I was reading this story today it reminded me that we need to trust God in both situations, when we're walking on water with Him and when we're sinking. Both when I'm on cloud 9 and enjoying life and when I'm overcome by sadness.

When I went to Texas I shared multiple times the story of the week my dad died. There were a lot of occurrences added to my fathers passing that made the week almost unbearable. Sharing that story gives me mixed emotions, it makes me grateful of how far I've come out of the suckiness that overtook that week but it also brings back some of the saddness of that week. When Matt Redman wrote the words "you give and take away" in the song Blessed be Your Name he hit the nail right on the head. God gave me a little sister that week but He also took my dad. 

I love seeing Emma grow up and I love knowing that though sometimes I say "I lost my dad when I was 15" he's not lost whatsoever. I'm so glad that God blessed me with 15 years with a dad who loved me and taught me more than he realized. 
I don't really know how to end this post, I've just really been missing my dad lately and wish more than anything that he were here to help me prepare for my trip to Guatemala. I heard somewhere recently that some crazy percentage of kids (I don't remember the actual number) said they would give up their relationship with their father in order to watch tv more often. That is so sad, I can't express how much I ache for just one more hug from my father but these kids have theirs and would give that up for the television! Something is dreadfully wrong with that. I guess we all need to be more grateful for the family members that we do have and teach ourselves not to take them for granted.