Dear Guatemala...

Dear Guatemala,

        I think I miss you as much right now as I did the minute I landed in the States. Part of me feels completely out of place, and I know that in a sense, that's true. I would do anything to hop on a plane and come back right this minute. Living here while my heart is with you is so hard sometimes; right now is one of those times.
       I miss the little things the most. Today rain was in the forecast, I prayed that God would let it down pour at about 3:00. I want to lay in bed and hear rain pounding on the roof, I want to walk home from work through water and mud filled streets and paths and get drenched.
      Speaking of work, I want to walk up the stairs into the art school. Words cannot describe how much I just want to hug my students and watch them paint. I want to paint with Andy and hear him laugh as he encourages me and says that I won't mess up his painting.

I want to hear them make fun of my lack of artistic skills and my obsession with chocolate and coffee. To hear Thelma scream "RENEE!" and tell me what I was supposed to be doing instead of talking with students or point to the stairs and tell me to go visit Albertina.

I want to go to the tienda with my students and play soccer with them and watch them wrestle with each other. I want to be back in the woods walking with Thelma and the students, racing up the hills and in between trees screaming with joy and freedom. I want Thelma to walk with me and tell me what things are and explain to me things that I don't understand.
      I want to walk up the ridiculously steep hills to Pastor Mario's house and step over Oso to get through the door, to see Rochelle running around. I want her to sit on my lap and beg me to let her play with my phone and get the screen protector ridiculously dirty. I want to hear her squeaky little voice say "porfa Emita!" I want to sit and play pesca in a plastic chair that could fall out from under me at any second.

I want to go home to my brothers! I want to hear Jeffry laugh uncontrollably until he starts crying and hides his face in his shirt. I want to have staring contests with Wilmar across the table while Alison and Jose are having a serious conversation. I want to get into a laughing fit with Wilmar about things that are not funny, only to have Kevin look at us like we're crazy and Jose to tell us we're children. I want to get in a stuffed animal war with Justin. I want to look under the table only to find him tying my shoe laces together. I want to lay awake in my bed listening to a recorder being played. I want to hear their voices shouting to our mom.

I want my mom! Having two moms is a strange concept, but you gave me one. Antonieta is the greatest, I want her to laugh at me trying to make tortillas. I want her to poke her head into my room and say "desayuno esta lista!" I want her oatmeal bake for breakfast, I want her to ask me how tired I am.
I want to share my room with Alison again. Going back and forth with Disney quotes, discussing our days, discussing how tired we are and comparing bug bites but saying we wouldn't change a thing for the world (well, minus the bug bites). And I wouldn't, not a bit of it.
         Guatemala, you have my heart. You always will. Some day, I will come back. There's no possible way that I can stay here with this feeling much longer. I want my fellow interns, I want the full time missionaries, I want my family, I want my home.

I love you always, Guatemala. And I miss you more and more each and every day.