"You're My beloved, lover I'm yours. Death shall not part us, it's you I died for. For better or worse, forever we'll be, My love it unites us and it binds you to Me.
You've been a mistress, My wife. You're chasing lovers that won't satisfy. Won't you let Me make you My bride? You will drink of My lips and you'll taste new life."
Those lyrics are from Tenth Avenue North's song, "Beloved". It's been one of my favorite songs for quite some time now, and I think it's because it's written as if the LORD were singing to us, to me. Whenever I feel like I'm not quite good enough, whenever I feel like I'm being overwhelmed or consumed or what have you, I listen to this song. This last week wore me down, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, I was zonked by Friday (lets be serious, I was zonked by Tuesday). Normally, having an exhausting week is fine every now and again, but I still felt like I hadn't recovered from the previous week. I decided I was in serious need of connecting with God. I felt like I had fallen, except this time was different than others. I had no feeling that God was trying to teach my something or remind me of something, God was silent, and I came to the realization that I had not heard His voice all week.
Today I chose not to go to the church I regularly attend on Sunday mornings. I was tired of looking to people to lead me to the Lord, tired of going to church just because it's a Sunday morning habit, I just wanted the Spirit to lead me to Himself. After some worshiping I turned to Jeremiah 3 and read chapters 3-6.
"If a man divorces his wife and she leaves him
and marries another man, should he return to her again?
Would not the land be completely defiled?
But you have lived as a prostitute with many lovers-
would you now return to me?" (3:1)
After a week of looking to material things, sleep, and humans for my strength and as my outlet, that being the first verse I read while looking to reconnect with God was a smack right to face. Throughout this passage the author writes how God reacts to a faithless Judah. I finally stopped after chapter 6 and prayed about how I was feeling. How I felt that I am faithless Judah. I was prompted to turn to Jude, the book directly before Revelation. The first part of Jude says that men of the past were written about as an example of those who suffer punishment, but how those kind of men have "slipped in among [us]" (verse 4) They "change the grace of our God into a license for immorality and deny Jesus Christ our only Sovereign and Lord".
(Monday, September 20)
I've definitely felt the stirring of truth being twisted in me this last week, of self-deception creeping up and threatening to take over. Today I had my Beth Moore Bible study, we watched the third session about the contrast of Truth and lies. One of the things that really hit me was this:
It's only Monday. The silence was broken yesterday when God spoke directly to my heart and taught me so many things (if I were to write them all, you'd surely get bored and go back to Facebook). However, it's only Monday and the lies have already begun to creep up again. It only took half a day for me to have another break down about life. Less than 24 hours after God used His Word to tell me to build myself up in my faith (Jude 20), a situation occurred that has made me cry out in confusion. But
(Monday, September 20)
I've definitely felt the stirring of truth being twisted in me this last week, of self-deception creeping up and threatening to take over. Today I had my Beth Moore Bible study, we watched the third session about the contrast of Truth and lies. One of the things that really hit me was this:
my "truth" + Satan's lies = captivity
There are so many lies that Satan weasels into my mind. One of these lies is that I can be filled by things other than God. I can turn to sleep to feel peace, to academics to feel worth, to friends to feel comfort and everything will continue as I plan. It is this lie that eventually brings me feeling so low as to claiming the role of faithless Judah, an adulterous wife, a weak and needy child begging for my life to go back to how it once was.
However, my truth, that is what I perceive as truth taking from my environment and my experiences, is just that; a perception detached from God's Truth. My "truth" is so easily swayed. It's so easy for me to believe that I have no worth, that I am alone, that my plans are the only thing I have to rely on, that the things around me will fill me and make me feel whole. (and I'm sure I'm not the only one prone to these thoughts)
But there is beauty looming above all of this mess. God "applies His truth to our needy lives."
"My weakness will never trump God's strength." God gives me the power to "build [myself] up in [my] most holy faith and pray in the Holy Spirit. [to keep myself] in God's love as [I] wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ" (Jude 20-21)
It's only Monday. The silence was broken yesterday when God spoke directly to my heart and taught me so many things (if I were to write them all, you'd surely get bored and go back to Facebook). However, it's only Monday and the lies have already begun to creep up again. It only took half a day for me to have another break down about life. Less than 24 hours after God used His Word to tell me to build myself up in my faith (Jude 20), a situation occurred that has made me cry out in confusion. But
"To him who is able to keep you from falling...to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord" -Jude 24
"1God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way...
4There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day...
7The LORD Almighty is with us;
The God of Jacob is our fortress"
Psalm 46
No comments:
Post a Comment