update/taking off the blinders (a two in one post)

Before I let ya'll know my latest thinkings on life I'll give you an update on my preparation for Guatemala. Something not so time consuming can mean a ton; I bought my plane tickets. That means this is 100% real and 100% official. I am going to Guatemala in 44 days. I have a countdown on my phone, I have a countdown in my head, and my most searched thing on Google is "How many days until May 23, 2013?" Well, 44!! On May 23 I will arrive in Guatemala at 1:20 in the afternoon, I'm pretty pumped because that leaves me a few hours to get acquainted before having to go to bed. However, in order to achieve this arrival, I will be getting to the airport in Minneapolis at 3:00AM. I'm not sure what I was thinking when I agreed to have my first plane leave a little after 6:00AM but in the words of Timone and Pumba, "Hakuna Matata". (However, prayer for the ability to sleep the night before and energy that day would be greatly appreciated). I spoke to someone from Students International about a week ago and she said they should have ministry sites assigned soon, I am beyond excited to find out what site I will be working at for those 6 weeks. My prayer, as this day approaches, is that I become comfortable with whatever role God wants me in while I am there. I have been a little apprehensive about some of the potential sites I could be assigned to.
Some prayer requests:

• Continued mental preparation and an open mind, especially after I found out what site I will be at. Pray that God equips me with the ability to serve Him and the people in that site well.
• More plane tickets! One of my friends is flying to Guatemala with me. We are going to buy his tickets in the next few days and we're hoping to be able to arrange the flights correctly so we can sit by each other, this will bring my anxiety level way down when I land in Guatemala
• Patience. In case you didn't catch on, I'm a little bit excited for the day to get here. However, I still have 5 weeks of life here in Iowa before I can give 100% of my attention to the trip. I need to remember that God can do amazing things in 5 weeks, between me and friends, between me and the kids at the youth group I work with, and between me and my studies.
• The ongoing ministry currently in Guatemala. It's hard to imagine life happening somewhere else when you are not there to see it happening, but ministry is happening and growing there. A new ministry cite is planned to be started during the weeks I am there so I am sure there is a lot of preparation happening for that.

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And now for my latest "thinkings". I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to make any of this make any kind of sense but I'll do my best. However, a quote that the pastor of the church I attend here in Iowa summed it up mighty well yesterday, he said:

"We're all trying to capture the fullness of God. If God has something for me, I want it, I need it."

Lately I have found myself frustrated with my lack of devos that have connected with how I am feeling. When this happens I tend to stop making time to have my devos, which does not help my feeling of disconnect. I become even more frustrated, it makes me even more stressed with everything going on in my life, it's a snowball effect and I think you get the picture. It gets bad.

Yesterday, during the sermon, our pastor spoke about being equipped with the spirit. We talked about having many fillings from God, not numerous baptisms.
I couldn't see God in the stress of all of my school work and the stress of everything else in life buzzing around me. At one point during this past week I hit my breaking point and refused to do anything but read my Bible and I read "return to me and I will return to you" (zechariah) and yesterday Pastor Randy quoted John 14:21 saying "Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father and I too will love him and show myself to him". These verses were so comforting, but also reminded me of the scene in one of the Narnia movies when Lucy sees Aslan but none of the others do. Peter, frustrated that he has not seen Aslan, asks Lucy "why didn't I see him?" Lucy simply replies "maybe you weren't looking".

Maybe I wasn't looking. Maybe I made myself blind to how God has been working in my life where I am at. I get so caught up in trying to capture the fullness of God and my inability to understand His ways that I lose sight of our relationship. It's frustrating, but I'm thankful I was able to take off the blinders.

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When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, Lord, supported me.

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When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.

~Psalm 94:18~