Dear Dad

For those of you who never met my dad: shoot, I wish you could have met him. I've decided that he's the one who gave me most of my character and taught me how to take life seriously but not take myself seriously. He's the one who impacted my decision to pursue a ministry degree and the one I think of when I'm trying to make a tough decision. 5 years ago today, he went Home.

Dear Dad,

How is it even possible that you've been gone for five years? I want you to know that I'm drinking mountain dew and eating a butterfingers bar for you today and I don't even care about the calories (okay, I do a little bit but it's for you).

            Most people yesterday and today have been thinking about terrorist attacks and our nation, but when their minds are there my mind is always in a completely different place. My mind is on you, Dad.

           I'm curious what our relationship would look like if you were here today. Looking back on the last five years there are so many things I wish I could have shared with  you. Getting glasses, I know this doesn't seem like a big deal but you told me once to grow my hair to my butt and get glasses. Well, my hair was pretty close (not my greatest moment by the way) and I got glasses. Getting my drivers License, I remember you teaching me how to drive. We were driving to Grandpa's house, Jacob was in the back seat upset because I got to drive and he didn't. You told me I was too uptight and needed to chill out, once I had you said "good, now go 80." Jacob freaked out and I looked at you and laughed and all you said was "I wasn't kidding." Guatemala in 2009 and again in 2013, I love Guatemala and I know you would have loved hearing about it. And the great part is, even if you didn't want to hear about it you would sit and listen because you always made what's important to me important to you, I miss that about you, not many people do that. Graduating high school, you said you were going to bring a beach towel because you'd be crying so much. Moving to College, I freaked out and I still freak out every time I move in for a new school year. There are countless stories I could tell you that I know you would get a kick out of.  Sometimes things happen that only you would find funny and I'm left laughing my head off unable to explain to people why they're funny. They just are and I can't stop laughing, I'm not exaggerating. I also look into the future and know there are events coming that would look a lot different if you would be standing by my side but you told me to make the most of each day, not waste my days thinking too heavily about the future.

             Emma is beautiful, Dad. Not so much of a baby anymore, you would be so in love with her. I can't imagine you interacting with her though, because she's quite the girl. She likes princesses and horses, and wears dresses, not something you had when I was little. Some day I'll tell her how hilarious you were, and tell her your expectations of being your daughter as well as the daughter of our King.

I want you to know that I'm in a good spot. I don't mean physically, well, I guess Orange City is pretty swell, but I mean mentally and spiritually, I know who I am. You told me to stay independent, creative, and joyful, I think I have. I'm a Christian Education major, taking after you, I want nothing more than to serve my King. I wish I could have your insight, but I know you'd be cheering me on in this decision with a really long obnoxious whistle louder than anyone could imagine a whistle being.

I still remember all the lessons you taught me, there are some that I don't think you knew you taught me. Once we were driving and the sky was cloudy and grey. I was complaining that I hated the sky when it was grey, I wanted it to be blue. You told me that even when there are clouds in the sky, the sky is still blue; the beauty of the blue is always behind the sometimes dreariness of the grey. Who knew this would turn into a metaphor for life as well; I now love cloudy days. I still have the rock you gave me to remind me of that too. You taught me to pray. I remember you coming home from work one day and telling us that you had had a very long "chat" with God. I had never thought about chatting with God before, it was a new concept that I now stick to. You told me not to be a statue child, to have character unlike anyone else. We were watching one of the boys at a choir concert and one of the choirs was singing an upbeat song but none of them were moving an inch and not even a smirk crossed their faces, you told me not to just stand around like those kids were. You said that when I feel like dancing to dance. I think I can say that I do have a pretty good amount of character, and I owe a lot of it to you, thanks.

I miss you. Watching Hey Arnold with you, Watching you and the boys shoot together, listening to your stories, playing with Snow Paw. I can still hear your voice. 

"Hey there!" 

"Dr. Erin Renee Holle-OBGYN" 

"Jeepers Martha!"

I can't believe it's been five years since I last heard it. Thank you for being my dad for 15 years. Thank you for laying out what a Christian life in a human world looks like. Thank you for always pointing me in the right direction and always being there even when I called at not so good times to beg you to come home.

I love you Dad, you'll always hold a special place. 

See you soon,

Erin Renee

"In the land of Uz there lived a man whose name was Job...The LORD said to Satan, 'very well, then, everything he has is in your hands, but on the man himself do not lay a finger...Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said...The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised."